I woke up this morning at 4:15 with a profound need to find my old blog password and fire it back up. I know a lot of people wake up, have trouble going back to sleep and get up super early but this is a rarity for me. In fact the only time I ever get up this early is to catch a flight. My mind was awake with the question a friend and I had discussed this week, "what is your purpose?". It isn't that I am searching for a purpose. That has only been an issue for me a few times in my life. After years of yoga that sort of question lies gently on my heart. Knowing it changes season to season. I am very happy with what I believe to be my purpose. But what did keep me awake was the thought that Izzy was indeed graduating. The girl was leaving.
As this realization dug in, my mind has rolled through the years of summers and adventures with the kids. The times Seth stayed here before he started school and more recently my Bronx days. As the kids didn't need me as much and we began doing bigger adventures I worked more. When Bronx started school I finished my yoga teacher certification. This past year I took my photography to an almost full time level. Though working 25 out of 30 days in April and May is probably considered full time. All of this had my mind completely awake and feeling the need to put it down somewhere. That is when Friday Night Fish Fry popped into my head and would not pop back out.
I don't really discuss anything personal on social media. I am obsessed with Instagram because photos speak to me. Facebook I hate almost as much as I love. I spend as little time as possible there because I find it often makes me grumpy. This was the one place I just typed away. Like a journal. And I am terrible at real journals. One, I can't read my own writing the next day. Two, I had rather type than write. So here I am. Three years removed I'm thinking. My dog Earl has passed. My cat Darius has passed. Caleb has one year left of college. Jackson is on his second. Seth is heading to high school. And the girl is leaving.
All of this has brought me back to the point that whatever my purpose is or isn't at the moment I want to make sure that this summer I take life as slow and mindfully as possible. I alone am responsible for my life. I have to create the balance. My balance has been so shifted toward work lately and what I wanted to accomplish that now I want to shift the balance back to my home and my private life. The entire month of August I am gone on a road trip with Martin and Zelda. I think June and July need to be left for celebrating life with my family and friends. If anyone wants to work with me on the other side, I'll be there.
I had said I was going to retire from senior photography after Izzy graduated. I have been testing the waters for intimate weddings. Shifting directions with the seasons as I mentioned earlier. I have found as I have gotten older there is no need for abrupt announcements or changes but to quietly allow shifts to occur naturally. That is my intention now. To see where I land. It is the only way I seem to be able to remain authentic, creative and content. I have one more crazy week ahead of me. Just one. Then it is the beach. Then I suppose it is up to me. For now I will go out and watch the sunrise with the dogs. Something I have not done in a long time.