“Life is half spent before we know what it is.”
Night before last I went out and laid flat on my back on the patio staring up at the stars. I could not remember the last time I'd done that. Not reclined anyway. As a child I spent a tremendous amount of time just lying in the grass checking out the stars. It made me very happy then because I thought God lived there and he could see me clearly.
The cicadas, crickets, tree frogs drowned out the sounds of the air conditioning and I tried to remember what I felt like as a kid. Strangely enough there were moments when I could feel it. I could feel the small me in this larger body. But then the weight of my chest coming in on my neck and my face like heavier putty sliding down would quickly remind me that I am full grown. It also reminded me that I had gotten a little bit too fully grown. All my life I've felt flexible and free and I don't like the way the mid forties seems to start chipping away at that. It isn't just the weight but the way my old bones feel. My knees popping. My back aching at odd times. Still lying there just thinking about being a child made me feel better.
I also decided lying there that if I had accidentally fallen into that position and had been bleeding to death, Toonces would not have found me until I was a goner because he never once came to check on me. You'd think that knowing your wife was on the patio for an hour late at night would at least have you peek out the window. Then if he had've peeked surely he would've opened to the door to see why I was laid out on the rock like a fool. But no, Pawn Stars or the World Series of Poker was more important.
It was also important to do this excercise with the dogs in the house.
The first days back from the trip I had terrible blues. I am bad to do that in smaller doses coming off big events. The whole deflated thing once the bubble has floated away. But this time it was almost like a broken heart.
One of my biggest bucket list items. Alaska. The last Frontier. Whirling around the wilderness with my dad and Caleb. I will never be on another adventure like that with just the two of them. I mean maybe one day Caleb will be tending to his old auntie as I spin slots in Vegas but it won't be the same. I had such a good time. I was so happy. The dogs were well cared for and I just loved the freedom of the adventure. And now after all that planning it was gone. I just couldn't shake the blues. I am older. Older every day. Life goes so fast.
Does anyone else crash like this after such big happy events- all that planning and poof it is over?
I read it is actually quite common.
But after a day with the boys and movies and ice cream. And after cooking and getting back to my kitchen. I started to feel more like myself.
And that is what brought me to lying on the flat of my back on my patio. Remembering being a child makes you remember the fairness of your getting old so that others can enjoy a childhood. Remembering that my life has been wonderful. Slowly letting go of my trip and coming back to myself here and now.
Lucky to have a new baby coming to the family soon too!
Musher's camp in Skagway. This place was great if you love dogs. It was so clean and well managed. You help train the dogs for the Iditarod by letting them pull you around. Those little guys can run!
There was a lot of heat on sled camps when I booked this last winter. But as with everything there are good and there are bad. This was a credible well run operation. And I don't think you should make them suffer by taking their tourists away. The sins of one shouldn't hurt the other.
Hope the heat wave doesn't cook ya! Earl and Eudora are driving me crazy because they are so bored from being in here with me yet when they go out to play they are slapped in the face with an oven pouring heat out...and they turn around and march right back in to whine.